Emotional exchange....

Men is a so predictable isn't it. They are so driven by lust, animal instinct and a not committed attitude. Most women are aware of their famous traits and yet time and again we fell for the same old tricks. We fell for bad boys and we find the goody and nerdy man not interesting enough. We find them boring, not adventurous in every sense including the action in bedroom.

Why are we so intrigue by man who're full of sweet talks, knowing that they are practically lying with the eyes wide open and tongue hanging halfway accompanied by drooling saliva. Yes, these men are up to something... prey on our weaknesses, something that has not changed for eons, we love bad man. I suspect that perhaps this trails are coded in the female XX chromosome.

It has happened to me and I told myself I am not gonna let this happen again but stupidly I did it again, just like Britney Spears did. Before the "trip" he was loving and caring but after that he was cold and everything changed. It's so predictable right. But than it was one of the happier few days of my life.....

The good memories lingers on.... sometime when you see me having that sweet silly smile....that's when I think of the memories with P.....

Live band @ Pump Room Rocks

Clarke Quay never seems to be a name that rings a bell but then the other clubs are equally boring to me for the longest time. But occasionally I do enjoy the loud thundering musics performed by the live bands, be it local or foreign. Strangely, Singapore once had many Filipino bands but recently there was a switch to local bands... Are we adopting the GET SINGAPORE BRAND attitude.

Living the life of a post holiday blue in MEL and still in a dilemma I took up and invitation for dinner at PUMPED room, Clarke Quay. Food was good and price is quite affordable. I opted for a COD fish, my all time fav and a pine of wheat ale ( happy hour till 8pm ) you get one 4 one. Dinner is served and snap snap.... my colleague, blogger friend and food connoisseur was busy taking pictures as usual.

Starters is served and ta da..... my fav grilled baby octopus which reminds me of Greece. Oh man I long to go back there. I must say the company was quite good and the food is excellent too. I was told the live band is good but me being NOT a clubbing person was clueless about the latest band in town and who's who.

Well, moments and seconds between meals there were SMS exchanges between P and me... he was upset again. I tried cheering him up but then I asked myself at times, who am I do that. We are just colleagues and maybe "good" friend. An that's the excuse I gave myself to prevent me having any further emotions for P.

10.45pm..The band started playing... and this lead singer caught my attention. He/She or it.. seems to be always smiling and full of confident. That's the way to go man.... his voice is beautiful and full of character too. I enjoyed the night and stayed for 3 sets of the band's performance. Very unlike me but that I thought I was rather unpredictable at times....

Been there .... done that...

Four days ago, I hurriedly pen down a few words trying to describe how excited and thrilled I was being able to fly whenever I feel like flying and there I am checking into the airport. I have always reminded myself that the destination does not matter but the journey does. The feeling was obviously good while I was heading to the airport but deep in me I knew I am gonna have sort of a down and mix feeling when I get back and true enough. You know it is the feeling that the holiday is ending and there are no more fun. Truth be told the last few days wasn't really fun, perhaps I was trying to understand myself while trying to understand the other person who is almost a stranger to me....besides the fact that we share the same office, the same stress at work and a few other passion for life.. like coffee and cigar.

It was a carefree few days and I didn't really work although I did respond to e-mails but it wasn't that kinda work I usually do back home and I certainly felt guilty about it. Being uptight about life caused more harm than good and I swear by it.. at least proven on me. I get depressed for no apparent reason and at times the reason was why am I in this situation, why life is not good enough for me and why can't I find someone who truly care for me. Or perhaps i am just not contented with what I have now. Oh gosh, I am getting confused over this subject again. We are supposed to be contented but does that mean that we stop looking for better things in life because we are contented with what we have now?

I spent the last few days thinking over this matter of being contented while away having a break with that stranger. In fact, there were moments that I feel contented but then it did not last long. Soon we will be talking about material matters and all the very "human" subject again.

The few days were fun and like any other things in life, it has to come to an end. It was a dream from the beginning and certain things are never meant to be. Only we human beings made it happened because we are curious animal that are thrilled by excitements, I am extremely tried right now ....physically and emotionally and not knowing what I am getting myself into. I hope this is another dream within the dream...

When you taste freedom.....

I have always wanted to be able to fly whenever I feel like flying but never had a chance to do so until today. I decided to fly to Mel 10 hours before the departure time and was searching and rushing to get my tickets and visa done. Almost gave up when I got to know that visa application online takes 24 for approval. But then I thought I will give the travel agent a try since they are professional and there to serve the customer's need.

Yay.. i got the flight but the whole purpose of me writing is not about how efficient the travel agent it. It is about the freedom I the "feeling" I get being able to do things I want to do, perhaps we call it following your heart.
I wonder if it is wrong or irresponsible to just leave things back at home or a work. I have wondered if the world will stop spinning because I am not there? The answer is a clear no no.... I guess I just have to do it at least once in my life....

10% No choice...90% is....

Prayers answered....the bright Yellow Round Face did shine brightly and fiercely today. But @ work it was rather a quite and normal day. You do hear laughter and giggles hear and there. It is nice be able to hear people laugh although no way in hell I couldn't figure out what they were laughing at. Not at me I hope....

P is much better too and although he claimed that he is 95% better which is good. Happiness is in our own hand is certainly very true. How we feel is actually the consequences of what we did, whether we chose it consciously or unconsciously. Thus the 10% and 90% rules. According to some experts, 10% of the time we can't choose or dictate what happens, where , when or how. However the remaining 90% of the time, we can determine the outcome of the 10% but how we react to it. Thus, isn't life all about choices?

It's 10.12 pm and I long to sleep, I am not sure why? I suspect something is bothering me but... could be a person, a thing....something...or nothing at all...

A better tomorrow for P....

" Kopi C for you? " came the SMS. "Hehehe, Sure" was the answer, not excited at all. Perhaps my women 6 cents or ESP tells me it is gonna be a gloomy day. It really doesn't help that the weather for the last few days were supporting my thoughts." Didn't sleep at all last nite, sighhh" was the reply. " Think of me ar? Can't sleep is it?" was the answer I joking input while trawling through my piles of documents. There was a silence for a good 15 mins before the Kopi C was delivered to my table. He looks terrible I must say, but what do you expect from a person who did not sleep the whole night.I bet it must be one of the longest night he ever had. I wish I could send a little bean bear over to accompany him if I know he is awake and feeling down... Sighhh... only if I know.

I am bad at this situation, I am stoned and can only give him that real caring smile left in me as I was also tormented with the household issues too. He said it was household issue and left my room. A little while later an SMS came and he was saying that he is not gonna function today and will leave early. I offered to bring him out for a spin.... hopefully I can do that little bit to cheer him up... 11.30am...we went out for a smoke... to our disappointment, Starbucks outdoor area are non smoking.... we ended up in Beach Hut for Hoyo. My first puff for at least 3 weeks...We talk, talk and talk.... but there were long silence too when we just stared at each others eyes and smile. I thought it was a message clearly understood by both. We will be supporting each other through good and bad.....
I hope he is fast asleep now and the issues resolved. Good night P........and here's your fav bear keeping you company .....Will be there for you... always...

Smiles.... and ever lasting smile...

4th Apr 2009,

Been away for a couple of days from the concrete jungle I called home for the time being. To seek sanity and to go back to basic is absolutely necessary in this age and time. People like me is fortunate enough to be born in a country that is peaceful enough and full of opportunities, minus the biases towards the dominant races and the scandals that our government are involved in. Well, we all know which country ;p. Seriously I have no complaints especially after hearing and now seeing the reality in the third world countries.

Oh ya! I really have not finished describing my trip to DILI, there is so much to write and I seriously doubt my english is that powerful and flowery to put my thoughts, my views and my feelings on a note....

Perhaps it is too overwhelming for me, at times the thoughts that lingers ( whatever that is left in my brain) on brings back the happy moments, at times it was just moment of dillemma. I tried very hard to remember only the good things but we all know its is bullshit. I really suspect that human beings are born negative and only the stronger ones can defeat the negativity in us....and that is obvioulsy the reason these people are successful in their own ways.

Whenever I am feeling a bit down about the whole DILI trip, I always look at my inspirational photo.. yes a boy with a million dollar smile. He perhaps has never had a toy, a school bag, a proper text book or a good nutritional meal and often still wonders about his own future and his country's future. Look at him, he is still able to smile at me when my camera focused on him. We all know this smile is genuinely pure, sincere and heart warming. So why am I or we complaining or sulking over matters that is entirely unimportant. Perhaps we all live a very sophisticated and complex life, a life that is full of expectations. Until today, I have never really understood myself, wat I want or need?

If people can live a simple and basic life, why did we choose to complicate it? I wonder .....

Keep Smiling... RR