Silence, broken by the tweaking, squeaking sound coming from the jungle around the villa seems creepy. At times my imagination runs wild, so wild that I almost decided to go sleep, cover myself up in a blanket and wait for tomorrow to arrive. I am supposed to be extremely happy now, well as least I was a week ago when "J" said I could come visit him on 4th. Then, it became a mistake on the dates... and he will be out of town....I am not giving up as there is still a slight chance of him transiting and stay here....
I miss "J" but told myself not to hope for the impossible..... regardless I am still gonna idolize him, for what he has done and going to do......
The saying goes, when all doors are shut, there will be a window that is open for you.... 10.27 pm, an sms came it but I ignored it.... I was expecting some other friends...10.4opm, I looked at the blackberry and it says " hope you're enjoyin Bali, g'nite, x J " . My heart sank.......I really wish I could hug him again.....and never let go......
I wish I could see him soon....but meanwhile. I am determined to embark on my little project for the little people.... the children with that smile that melts your heart.....
Good night R & R.........
Good night Ubud............
Good night Bali..................
March 31, 2009
March 29, 2009
Lazy Sunday....
29th March 2009,
I left the blog untouched for the last few days, not that I do not have any junk to write, any gossips to report. Truth be told I was real busy with work, drowned myself with worries and sick...I was hoping it is not love sick... But what the hell!! Not that I have not been through that... been there done that.
Came back from DILI, not exactly in the greatest mood and have to make a quick trip to KL for some bloggers events. Tired but I certainly look forward to this event, something that I have planned for almost a month. Even my brain were almost dead I still managed to steal some free time to think about "J" . He is constantly in my mind, obviously for the right and heroic reasons, but there were hardly any communications ever since I came back. One of those Chinese Drama TV would come up with a plot where the girl kept calling and sms-ing the guy but the phone went dead. I swear that it is the most horrible feeling one could experience.
Well, life goes on, that's what I told myself but I bet my last dollar that missing someone is terrible, worst if you're not sure if the person has the same feeling.
"J " has some much priorities in life and my existence would certainly interfere with his big ambitions... I tried to comfort myself. He gave me a book, of course written by him and it says " Warmest Memories" . Perhaps I should just be happy that I had such a good memories, experience and feeling for a few days... feelings of being in cloud nine, being mysterious, being pampered and most of all the centre of attention and suddenly upon returning, it seems all gone....
4.27pm, "ting" and sms came in and I couldn't believe my eyes, it was "J" and he says he is well, safe and just very busy. Although I always asked myself, how long does it take to reply an sms or call, I am glad at least the sms came....
I left the blog untouched for the last few days, not that I do not have any junk to write, any gossips to report. Truth be told I was real busy with work, drowned myself with worries and sick...I was hoping it is not love sick... But what the hell!! Not that I have not been through that... been there done that.
Came back from DILI, not exactly in the greatest mood and have to make a quick trip to KL for some bloggers events. Tired but I certainly look forward to this event, something that I have planned for almost a month. Even my brain were almost dead I still managed to steal some free time to think about "J" . He is constantly in my mind, obviously for the right and heroic reasons, but there were hardly any communications ever since I came back. One of those Chinese Drama TV would come up with a plot where the girl kept calling and sms-ing the guy but the phone went dead. I swear that it is the most horrible feeling one could experience.
Well, life goes on, that's what I told myself but I bet my last dollar that missing someone is terrible, worst if you're not sure if the person has the same feeling.
"J " has some much priorities in life and my existence would certainly interfere with his big ambitions... I tried to comfort myself. He gave me a book, of course written by him and it says " Warmest Memories" . Perhaps I should just be happy that I had such a good memories, experience and feeling for a few days... feelings of being in cloud nine, being mysterious, being pampered and most of all the centre of attention and suddenly upon returning, it seems all gone....
4.27pm, "ting" and sms came in and I couldn't believe my eyes, it was "J" and he says he is well, safe and just very busy. Although I always asked myself, how long does it take to reply an sms or call, I am glad at least the sms came....
March 25, 2009
Is it a destiny or a dream...?
25th Mar 2009, 11.29pm...
I felt so low..so very low ever since I came back from DILI...I had the most memorable and honored moments in DILI, supposed to be jumping with joy! How come I am not? Checking in at DILI airport was horrible, the SILK air counter closes 3 hours before flight. I remembered his guard dropped me at the hotel, only to find out that my colleagues have gone to the airport and expect me to make my way there.
I left his place with a heavy heart, not believing that I had such a good time with him...holding his firm hand throughout the journey, never felt any fear, in fact it was very comfortable minus the bumpy rides. Gave him a big hug and whisper in his ear " Do you love me?" and " Yes" was his answer. I told myself I only needed to hear that not knowing that I will be tormented with mixed feelings after that.
It's way past the boarding time, I sat quickly in the small lounge waiting for perhaps the only flight for that day, looking at the supposedly duty free stores which look like a grocery store. Well, it is already not too bad, at least it is operational compared to the other two shops which are vacant. Airport people, better buck up!!
Well, without further elaboration, I am sure you can figure out how small, boring and unsightly the airport lounge is...the only compliment is that it doesn't have flies ( you get that in Malaysia's LCCT ) and many people with their high pitch voices in different languages. Yes LCCT is a budget terminal and people always associate it with foreign workers and cheap people. Yeah they are right unfortunately.
I sat there, looking at him...and yes he was looking back at me, expressionless, never mind coz I remembered very clearly his charming smile. He stole my heart in many occasions, often smiling at me whenever he caught me admiring and looking at him. A few occasions it was so obvious....so obviously even the blind can feel the exchange of smiles and "feel" for each other, but is he for real?? I don't believe I am so lucky... who am I, what do I have? He is such a celebrity, I am not good enough, there is nothing in me......tell me about being positive... Geez I can never convince myself. But I often steal a moment to look back at the fairy tale...that's unexpected call from him.....
17th March 2009, 9.29pm...
I was enjoying a massage by Min, a Filipino lady recommended and arranged by a business partner. There are no proper spa, so I the massage was done in my hotel room. I am done with the front and now lay facing down on my stomach for min to do my shoulder. Min suggested I take out the shirt so that she can apply oil and I did as instructed, obediently like a student who hopes to be rewarded for following instructions. Ring Ring Ring... and there is this +670XXX XXXX number appeared on my phone. The first thing on my mind, must be some business associate we met during the afternoon. The voice then uttered a few words but the line was so bad, i could hardly hear anything..."Who are you" I asked.... I am "XXXX". What? Can you repeat please? I am so and so...
There is a silence which to me lasted a life time... I was speechless. and by the time my senses started working again, I was already talking to him....yes love his sexy, low voice.! We chatted and the said he will call me again tomorrow. It was like winning a lottery ticket, but I am over the cloud for the right reason of course.
I text him to say thanks for calling, an old fashion trick to continue the conversation... and it works. There were a few sms exchanges before it went silence again. That night was long, so long until I could wait for the sun to rise.
18th March 2009, 6:28:31 am
Ting.... and sms came in and it read " g'mornin! how was your nite? slept well? I fell asleep. saw your sms now. u may call if u can. j "
To be continue.....
I felt so low..so very low ever since I came back from DILI...I had the most memorable and honored moments in DILI, supposed to be jumping with joy! How come I am not? Checking in at DILI airport was horrible, the SILK air counter closes 3 hours before flight. I remembered his guard dropped me at the hotel, only to find out that my colleagues have gone to the airport and expect me to make my way there.
I left his place with a heavy heart, not believing that I had such a good time with him...holding his firm hand throughout the journey, never felt any fear, in fact it was very comfortable minus the bumpy rides. Gave him a big hug and whisper in his ear " Do you love me?" and " Yes" was his answer. I told myself I only needed to hear that not knowing that I will be tormented with mixed feelings after that.
It's way past the boarding time, I sat quickly in the small lounge waiting for perhaps the only flight for that day, looking at the supposedly duty free stores which look like a grocery store. Well, it is already not too bad, at least it is operational compared to the other two shops which are vacant. Airport people, better buck up!!
Well, without further elaboration, I am sure you can figure out how small, boring and unsightly the airport lounge is...the only compliment is that it doesn't have flies ( you get that in Malaysia's LCCT ) and many people with their high pitch voices in different languages. Yes LCCT is a budget terminal and people always associate it with foreign workers and cheap people. Yeah they are right unfortunately.
I sat there, looking at him...and yes he was looking back at me, expressionless, never mind coz I remembered very clearly his charming smile. He stole my heart in many occasions, often smiling at me whenever he caught me admiring and looking at him. A few occasions it was so obvious....so obviously even the blind can feel the exchange of smiles and "feel" for each other, but is he for real?? I don't believe I am so lucky... who am I, what do I have? He is such a celebrity, I am not good enough, there is nothing in me......tell me about being positive... Geez I can never convince myself. But I often steal a moment to look back at the fairy tale...that's unexpected call from him.....
17th March 2009, 9.29pm...
I was enjoying a massage by Min, a Filipino lady recommended and arranged by a business partner. There are no proper spa, so I the massage was done in my hotel room. I am done with the front and now lay facing down on my stomach for min to do my shoulder. Min suggested I take out the shirt so that she can apply oil and I did as instructed, obediently like a student who hopes to be rewarded for following instructions. Ring Ring Ring... and there is this +670XXX XXXX number appeared on my phone. The first thing on my mind, must be some business associate we met during the afternoon. The voice then uttered a few words but the line was so bad, i could hardly hear anything..."Who are you" I asked.... I am "XXXX". What? Can you repeat please? I am so and so...
There is a silence which to me lasted a life time... I was speechless. and by the time my senses started working again, I was already talking to him....yes love his sexy, low voice.! We chatted and the said he will call me again tomorrow. It was like winning a lottery ticket, but I am over the cloud for the right reason of course.
I text him to say thanks for calling, an old fashion trick to continue the conversation... and it works. There were a few sms exchanges before it went silence again. That night was long, so long until I could wait for the sun to rise.
18th March 2009, 6:28:31 am
Ting.... and sms came in and it read " g'mornin! how was your nite? slept well? I fell asleep. saw your sms now. u may call if u can. j "
To be continue.....
March 22, 2009
Arriving in Dili.... Timor Leste
...the journey continues.... Fasten your seat belt, Cabin crew, to your landing station please.....
The low voice of the captain woke me up from my nap....yeah! damn tired but lucky to catch some sleep although it wasn't exactly the most comfortable place to sleep on the tiny economy seat of Silk air... Well, let know have the "complaint queen" syndrome take over me. Millions of people have not seen a plane. Shut up Rin!!!
All I can see was greenery as the plane prepares to land... but I can hardly see any control tower. On my... is the plane going to land safely??? Err... silence... and then a loud bang....and all of us jerked forward. Natural instinct would be to look out the window and see the surroundings...it is nothing like Changi Airport/ HK airport where you have aero bridges, traffic controls and etc..
The low voice of the captain woke me up from my nap....yeah! damn tired but lucky to catch some sleep although it wasn't exactly the most comfortable place to sleep on the tiny economy seat of Silk air... Well, let know have the "complaint queen" syndrome take over me. Millions of people have not seen a plane. Shut up Rin!!!
All I can see was greenery as the plane prepares to land... but I can hardly see any control tower. On my... is the plane going to land safely??? Err... silence... and then a loud bang....and all of us jerked forward. Natural instinct would be to look out the window and see the surroundings...it is nothing like Changi Airport/ HK airport where you have aero bridges, traffic controls and etc..
Geez, I thought we landed on the army base instead of the DILI airport.
To be continue....
March 21, 2009
The calling.....
12th Mar 2009.
The journey was boring as usual, it is the biweekly trip to Malaysia again. Sometimes I wonder why I dont seem to be exicted about going back to my own country at all. Neither do I feel excited about being in Singapore. The last time I got excited about Singapore was when I packed my bag and moved there in 1999. Exactly 10 year now... and what goes through my mind was totally different from the day I first step on Singapore land. Not excited about Malaysia, feeling bored and lonely, tormented by a failed relationship, what else do I have in life to look forward to? .................The phone rang, it was a familiar voice...
VJ : " Rin, I am planning to go Timor Leste and XXX cannot make it, he chicken out, can you go ? "
Rin : Sure, been always dreaming of going to Timor, but let me check with XXX first.
VJ : Ok... call me back.
Phone : Tooottt.... Silence...
Going to Tibet & Timor has always been my dream, childhood dream to be exact. It was so suddenly, so abrupt that I felt unprepared at all.
15th Mar 2009, 3 days after VJ's call...
VJ: Rin, all confirmed... we are flying on Tue and come back on Sat... and we may meet the President....
Rin: What?? President? you mean Dr. Jose?? Wow !! cool, he is quite handsome ....hahahah!! but I heard he is a tough negotiator....."
VJ : Okie la.. we meet at SG airport and discuss on board.
Rin : Sure... byeee!!! Toooottttt
17thMar 2009, 5.30 am...
Ring Ring..... geezz... I am so tired, slept at 3am... packing and perhaps scared and excited about the trip. The negative news, rumors and information about Timor-Leste doesnt really help either.... everyone said " Are you crazy, what biz to do in a War Torn country" , " Aiyo, so dangerous la" .
On board Silk air and doing my readings.....
2.30 Timor Time... landed safely....
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